What's on the Dogtags?

When a person joins the military, one of the first items issued is a pair of dogtags. As you likely already know, this is a pair of metal plates, worn around the neck, that generally contain the wearer's name, social security number, blood type, and religion. They are his identification. Though they are somewhat impersonal, they contain the essential information on the soldier. Thinking about it, I believe we often have a tendency to create imaginary dogtags for ourselves, even without even realizing it. We construct an idea of what identifies us and then hang this identitiy around ourselves as an inseparable part of who we are. Unfortunately, our "dogtag identity" can easily become more complicated that we can handle, offering security and significance that we can wear proudly, but then often bringing cruel self-criticism, harsh labels, and shortcomings we'd really rather keep tucked away.

What do we put on our dogtags? We base our identities on a lot of different factors, ranging from simple facts, like gender and age, circumstantial facts, like occupation and marital status, to far deeper issues that comprise our opinions of ourselves, including our emotions, relationships, and life experiences. Safe to say, our self-constructed dogtags are infinitely more complex that those worn by our soldiers. Sometimes I even feel like I wake up re-writing my dog tags every morning! Sometimes this is for the simple reason that circumstances change. This time last year, I was a college student. I was the principal flutist in the LU Symphony. I was an honors student. Now I'm no longer any of these things. What does this mean? IDENTITY CRISIS?!

Hopefully not. But it shows that often even the simple things we use to identify ourselves are totally unreliable. And the less tangible things, like emotions and relationships, are generally even less stable than our circumstances! From day to day they can shift dramatically. This morning I had coffee, I felt energetic, I sold a fabulous antique, my boss praised me. It's a good day on the dogtags: "Young aspiring interior designer, energetic and determined, asset to the corporation." I got a compliment from someone whom I admire; I eagerly scratch into my plates, "Young attractive blonde, pleasant personality, definitely a worthwhile person."

But how about the days when things don't go so smoothly? The days when not only do your circumstances seem to be falling in around you, but you seem to fail at every single thing you put your hand to? Your clothes are all shrinking, you say something that comes out horribly wrong and with undesirable consequences. You realize you've made some bad decisions and everything seems to be coming apart at the seams. Worst of all, you feel that the whole thing is your fault. How do your dogtags look on a day like that? "Incapable, unattractive, in it alone, not worth it."

Now I am not saying that it is sinful to search for something on which to base your identity. But wouldn't you agree that it can be, well, exhausting sometimes? I joke about the complete lack of certainty in my life right now. However, the past year has made me realize in some painful ways how careful a person has to be when building an identity to stand on. For an honest moment, I want you to think of all the characteristics by which you identify yourself. All of the the physical features, education, all the talents and shortcomings, all the relationships, joys and heartaches... you get the idea. Now ask this question. How many of those things could change suddenly without warning? If we're brutally honest, almost all of them. You could move, lose or change jobs, you'll keep getting older and your physical appearance will keep changing. People go in and out of our lives and often let us down... and yet we try to base the entire foundation of who we are on these uncertainties!

So much in my life has gone differently than I expected in these last twelve months that I have had to painfully divorce myself from a lot of the identifying characteristics I was clinging to. At times it has just been a little uncomforable; at times it has hurt deeply and brought me to tears. But through it God taught me a valuable lesson, and coming out the other side He is showing me one of the most amazing truths I have ever learned.

In Jesus Christ, in God, we have an identity that can never, ever be shaken. Can you just imagine?! In God's eyes, we are His children. In God's eyes, I am His precious and beautiful daughter. I am of so much value to Him that He was willing to sacrifice Himself for me. In God's eyes, I don't change from day to from being a success to a failure, beautiful to ugly, loved to unloved. In God's eyes, my identity will never change. And there is absolutely nothing on earth or in heaven or hell that will ever, ever change who I am to Him!

I don't know if that strikes you the same way it strikes me. I guess it's one of those things I thought I knew but didn't truly realize until God peeled my fingers back from all the trivial characteristics I was desperately hanging on to. He showed me that though they might make me feel more secure, I had nothing to gain from tying myself to such inconsistency.

While we're here on earth, it probably isn't possible to entirely separate ourselves from human forms of identification. But knowing that what God says is the most important thing in determining who we are is one of the most freeing feelings in the world! I feel like I have a secret now when I walk across the parking lot on my way to work. Other people might see an average twenty-something going to her humble, poorly-paying, artsy job, but I know something they don't know! The value of any thing is determined entirely by what a person is willing to pay for it, and God paid Himself so that He could have my heart for His own. I am worth the world to Him. Now that's an identity that I can live with!

Whatever it is you're hanging on to to give yourself identity and significance, try laying it down for just a moment and let your eyes be opened to what God says about you. You might just find that that is the identity you want to stand on.

It's difficult, but I'm trying to let go of the dogtags now. At least the ones I've been writing.

Maybe we should start letting God write our dogtags. After all, He's God, He created us, and He loves us. He is far more qualified to write our identities than we are!

Birthday Presents

Two posts ago I promised to share the story of what God did for me when I started asking HIM to do the work rather than asking His advice. This is the promised story.

My job experience since graduating hasn't exactly been a walk in the park. While it hasn't been a nightmare, it hasn't been a fun little cupcake party either. I've tried a lot of paths recently that seemed to lead nowhere. I worked for a short while selling furniture... didn't even make it to 90 days before I quit. That wasn't my calling. Then I turned down a $30,000/year job because I didn't think it was the right thing for me... and of course spent the next weeks wondering if I'd made a huge mistake. Then I ended up at the desk where I am sitting now, watching the front door of a little glasses shop/optometrist office. It isn't hell, but if it was physically possible to die of boredom, I'd probably be dead now. And all the while I've wondered, "What the heck is God preparing me for? Does He not remember that I actually want my life to have some purpose?" Of course I knew in my deepest heart that He had a plan, but it has been a challenge!

Last Sunday God, apparently knowing that I was about to lose my mind, gave me encouragement by way of two Bible verses that popped out at me in my reading. Check this out:

May He grant you according to your heart's desire,
And fulfill all your purpose.
We will rejoice in Your salvation,
And in the name of our God we will set up our banners!
May the Lord fulfill all your petitions.

~Psalm 20:4-5


I'm telling you, I felt like the Lord spoke those verses to me. As Christians, we sometimes get it into our heads that God wants us to suffer! But here God gave me a promise that He cared about my heart's desires and that He hadn't forgotten me. And something about the word "banners" just makes me think of joyful excitement and victory. So, armed with this verse, I sallied forth into my week. And what a week!

Four days before God showed me those verses, I saw a job ad on Craig's List for a "Showroom Assistant" for a high-end antique and interior design company. I filed it away as a position that I should apply for, even though the ad did not give the name of the company. The next day I got a call from a girl I worked with (briefly, let me remind you) at La-Z-Boy. I knew through facebook that she had recently taken a new position working for a successful interior designer, but in spite of the occasional facebook contact, I never really expected to see her or have her be a part of my life again. Wrong! God's plans are much more elaborate and intricate than that!

Kathia called to tell me that there was a position opening up at her new job, and she wanted me to apply. Well, guess what. The position she called to tell me about was the same one I saw on Craig's List.

So I faxed in my resume on Friday and promptly braced myself for the worst. I didn't hear anything Friday, and since I knew they wanted to start interviewing on Monday I kind of assumed nothing would come of it.

Sunday: God gave me the above mentioned verses.

Monday morning: I received a call asking me to come in for an interview that afternoon.

Interviewed in a flurry of excitement and nerves.

Monday afternoon: Got a call asking me to come back Tuesday for a second interview with the head honcho.

Tuesday afternoon: Told God as I was driving to the interview that I was pretty sure I was in over my head, and I knew I would only get the job if He gave it to me.

Tuesday evening: Offered the job. :)

Wednesday morning: gave my notice at my current job.

Next Monday will be my first day at my new job. If you are interested in checking out the company, their website is www.williamreubanks.com. It is swanky, and I know I'll need God's grace every day as a I get started there... it will definitely be a stretch outside my comfort zone!

But here is, in my opinion, the coolest part of the whole story. About a month, month and a half ago, before any of this got started, I prayed a crazy thing. I prayed that God would give me a new job for my birthday.

Guess what. My birthday is April 9th, this Friday. This Friday, my birthday, will be my last day at my old job. "Happy Birthday, Joanna; I love you." -God